But it didn’t change a thing. We were in love. But we were just too different–we ascended the staircase of love quickly–two stairs at a time. After we got the the last step we took in the view–but there was nowhere to go. So we untangled our hands and wonderfully, maturely, jumped back to earth in different directions.
All of the hard things about breaking up didn’t happen. No big, mean, weird talks about how we didn’t like each other anymore or conflicted feelings. We both just realized the differences were overwhelming. It was sad–but not hard. We talked, kissed–told each other we loved each other and then I left.
I guess you don’t need to marry everybody you love.
Our problem came down to a series of grey. She and her family see most everything in black and white–right and wrong. Me, I love the grey and the shades therein. I see right and the wrong, and so many other colors: black, blue orange and grey to name a few. I am not worried about wondering if I should be feeling guilty (for any multitude of sins).
Wondering if you should feel guilty–to me, feel like a trap and an easy way to let your conscience become cripplingly oversensitive. Guilt will come. You need not beckon.
Secondly, just because I see all of these colors does not mean I myself live in the grey. I try my best to do whats right. Always. But my ‘right’ will invariably be different than that of somebody else–not too far off though. Distance in this category probably means a re-thinking. Do I then change what I think is right to incorporate this other fool’s version of right? No, I’m doing the best by my lights.
In that case why not try to understand this contrarian’s point of view? Why not learn the words he says that you don’t know? Knowledge is everything. Understanding people creates a foundational empathy that is much much more correct and acute than any other known convention.
No, I would never go to the “Thunder Down Under” male dancing show. But will I take pleasure in the cheap pun that is their name? Yes, yes I will. Will I ever be pleased to meet one of them….I can’t foresee a situation in which I would; in a well lit room with many clothes on–yes I will relish the opportunity to understand why they do what they do.
I will not shun it, not think about it, or stay naive to a set of words because it’s “bad.” I do think that exploiting both men and women for money is immoral and I also think the whole idea of strippers is a little hedonistic, but I only think that way because I thought about it. I do not feel dirty for trying to understand something.
I have a feeling that she and her family would say that my philosophy is a slippery slope and soon I’ll be more and more willing to compromise my own standards in order to understand others. There is logic there. I do not disagree with that statement. But what that means is that I need to be careful and gravitate towards the good things, experience the best and do the things that make me happy. But I’ll deal with the consequences if I screw up.
I’ll be damned if I die without have understood as much of this life as I can. And if that means a little extra repentance for me–so be it.
